Recently, I sipped an iced coffee during a workshop break in Mexico. Seeing the ice cubes in the glass made me think of the various parts or facets each of our personalities are made of. 

Some of these personality parts — also known as ego states — can sometimes become “stuck” or “frozen” in past experiences. Gently guiding individuals to recognize the resources and strengths they possess today, is a core passion for me in my coaching. This fosters deep inner integration and alliance within clients.

Our ego states are dynamic aspects of our “self,” each with unique emotions, memories, and needs. This concept is academically supported by foundational work in ego state psychology, notably from John G. and Helen H. Watkins, who built upon earlier concepts from Milton Erickson and Paul Federn. 

These distinct ego states can be understood as specific neural networks and processing modules within the brain, each activated under different circumstances.

However, past experiences can cause these inner parts to become “stuck,” for example, in stressful situations during childhood or teenage years. These states remain in an “alarm state” because they haven’t integrated adult resources. This can create an “inner straitjacket” that limits our expression and can manifest as shutdown or feeling blank. That’s where the profound work of inner teamwork comes in, aiming to re-establish collaboration within your internal system.

The core principle of working with ego states is that every behavior, thought, or feeling has a positive intention behind it. Even seemingly unhelpful behaviors were once adaptive strategies for survival.